Thursday, December 25, 2008

Egads! Ajads! or My new Line of Pickles coming soon.

This year for Jesus' birthday I made my Pop's something special. Pickles. Not just any pickles, mind you these are Thai pickles. Steph just asked me what made these pickles Thai. My answer: "With Thailand in your heart any recipe is a Thai recipe." For reals though, I adapted a recipe for a Thai cucumber salad to make these pickles. The basic ingredients are the same but I changed the recipe into a jar of pickles instead because there's just something so dad-tastic about ripping open a jar of pickles and going for it. At least that's how I see my dad anyway. As to the ingredients I used some manner of small fancy cucumber, rice vinegar, shallots, garlic, sliced lime, salt, sugar, coriander powder, red chili flakes and plenty o' mutha fuckin' Birdseye Chilies. Holy fuck do I love these little bastards! A lot! I just hope my dad does too. I'm not sure if I put one too many in or not seeing as how I have nary a functioning taste bud nor have I had the opportunity to taste one because they've been busy getting their pickle on. I'd really hate to see my dads ulcer come home from vacation or the roof of his mouth cave in. 

These fuckers are hot yo!   

Thai peeps call the salad Ajad. I call Ajad, Pickles. And that's a perfect segue to my rather obvious choices in labeling. For the decorative if not charming label I chose a picture of myself, in Thailand no less. I thought that on one hand my Pop's would sure appreciate a picture of his grown son adorning his food. On the other hand I felt the look of the the photo really says "Thailand!" Especially since I wrote pickles in a fake Thai looking font. If these taste as good as they look you can bet that in the near future you'll be seeing them on store shelves soon enough bearing said label. 

UPDATE: I gave these to my Pops, and I mentioned they were Thai pickles, but I failed to mention the fact that these were SPICY pickles (RE: super hot Thai Chilies running rampant within the jar). So my Mom apparently thought these were pickled green beans and took a huge chomp out of one. She said her mouth was ablaze for hours and for added effect she managed to rub her eye and set that on fire as well. My Mom is an off the charts Non Spicy eater of things. As torturous and excruciating as that experience must have been for her and as badly as I felt about it for not providing ample warning I must say that was classic. Not to mention that she found it amusing in retrospect. 

 The Spice must flow....................Just not from our arses.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Warm n Toasty

A most apropos title non? After all the weather is quite lame and staying warm is at a premium. But let me first go off topic and then coyly attempt, and fail miserably, to tie things together. 

This weekend Steph and I threw down a wicked Sunday brunch consisting of food items masquerading as other food items. And yes, on the surface that has precious little to do with a fucking "SPICY" blog.  Are you so quick to judge my intentions? Tsk Tsk! For I have a story to tell. Like I said, this weekend, brunch, food was served. One of the most creative submissions was done by our buddy Guapo. He made Nachos, or so you think. They totally looked like delicious, yum-tastic Nachos, but of course in staying true to the theme he had made the most sickeningly sweet, cavity inducing chaos on a platter. The chips actually were homemade tortilla chips dredged in cinnamon and sugar. Like black beans on your Nachos? How about mini chocolate chips instead. Salsa you say? Try candied cherries in shades of red, green and white simmering in a fructose ooze instead. I think by now you've probably been able to eliminate cheese as part of the offering on your own so thankfully I can cease with the infomercial style ingredient introductions. In lieu of cheese he shaved a fresh mango to give it an otherworldly cheese-tastic appearance. And lastly since he is an avid fan of sour cream's existence he had to add that as well, rather he added Dulce de Leche as it's stand in. So far this dish looked amazing but taste wise it was bordering on the hinterlands of ridiculous. It was that sweet.  
Ok, ok so make with the Hot, Hot, Hot already. Guapo knew that this would be a challenge to anyone with a functioning palette to handle so he hatched a plan to cut the sweetness with a little spice and that's where my new friend Jalapeno Jelly comes in. What an amazing idea, mixing jalapenos with gelatin and sugar topped off with a little leprechaun green food grade dye for good measure. So he mixed it in and oddly enough it worked. It worked so well that he had to mix Steph her own bowl, sans Jalapeno Jelly because she felt it was indeed "a little bit spicy." Noted. Regardless of this fact the Nachos were more for show and less for eating. But, he did do a bang up job with them. What's more is that he left me the jar of Jalapeno jelly, for research purposes. One fine day I will try this stuff on a nice piece of toast. As to whether or not I actually get past the first bite that's neither here nor there. 

The Spice must flow....................Just not from our arses.

Sunday, December 7, 2008

Ode to fast foods that feature Jalapenos

There are few things in life I truly relish in this life like that of food which will eventually kill you. With Jalapenos. Oh Jalapeno your toothsome bite and Leprechaun skin makes me giddy. Be you pickled or fresh, I love you. You're so readily available. When I can't find Tears of Fire or a Bangalore Torpedo at one in the morning, you are there, reassuring me.  You are the shaggy hound standing ever by my side. You are my best friend. 

Seriously though. I really like stuff with Jalapenos involved. Yeah, I like other hotter and more exotic peppers more. But, Jalapenos are just so prevalent. I also have a penchant for horrible fast food. I feel like that when these two items are cross bred they are destined for my stomach and all parts of me preceding and after. Probably my favorite fast food Jalapeno based item is the Jack in the Box Jalapeno popper. OMG! These are delicious. They come in a 3 or a generous 7 piece size which suits my preference for odd numbered items. They are coated in a crunchy batter and filled with molten cheddar cheese like and flavored, most likely dairy based goo. Heaven. Then you get the further pleasure of dipping these little bastards into Jack's ranch sauce. Normally I hate ranch dressing, but there's just something about this flavor combination......ahhh Umami! Another fast food item that I just love involving Jalapenos is one which sadly isn't even available here in California. It is the venerable White Castle slider with pickled Jalapenos to give this classic staple of late night eating a bit of fun and flare. "Sack of Ten please!!!!!!" Luckily I get to have these beauties when I go visiting family in Minneapolis. When I lived there I never knew how good I had it. I lived a block away from a White Castle and I took it for granted. Oh the humanity you can find in a White Castle at 3 a.m., and the cheeseburgers too.

The Spice must flow....................Just not from our arses.